Discovering jealousy

I used to say that I am not a jealous person. I believed it quite thoroughly. I sent my wife off on a date with a younger man with an impressive physique, and did so with a smile on my face as well as in my heart. So why have I started to feel jealous from time to time these past couple of months?

Well, for starters, my relationship with #3 is less secure than my other two relationships. Not only have we not been together as long (hence the #3 designation), but she is also the one partner I do not share a residence with. So the potential for loss is (or at least seems) greater. But even that doesn’t really explain it, or explain why I am normally very happy for her, and OK with everything, but then I get a flash of jealousy out of the clear blue sky.

Today I think I nailed it down. For most people, sexual contact is a trigger for jealousy. Or intimacy. Or love. For me, none of that triggers jealousy. What triggers my jealousy is unavailability. When I want attention and can’t get it, I get pissy. I short, I’ve realized today how much of a spoiled brat I am. When I want to talk to #3 and she’s unavailable due to the necessities of life, I get pouty. When I want to talk to her and she’s unavailable because she’s with her #2, that translates into feelings of jealousy. But now that I’ve identified it, hopefully I can conquer it.

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~ by polywolf on 2009/11/03.

2 Responses to “Discovering jealousy”

  1. Working out why is a big step. Even that must be a weight off your shoulders. ๐Ÿ™‚ *hugs* Good luck with the rest…

    • Yes, actually, figuring out why I feel the way I do lifts a huge burden. As G.I.Joe used to say… “knowing is half the battle” ๐Ÿ™‚

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