It’s scary, letting go.
Today I am in a relationship with 3 women. Tomorrow I may be in a relationship with none of them. It’s
a little intimidating scary as all fucking hell.
Since the big fight with #3, things haven’t quite been the same. She’s no longer sure what she wants, and so I’m not sure where things are going.
Discussing things with #2 last night, neither of us is currently very happy with the way things are, and we’ve both been unhappy trying to make each other happy. Now we’re each going to try to make ourselves happy, and see if that works any better. And nobody really knows what this means.
Also in last night’s discussion was #1, who is also unhappy, but primarily because #2 is unhappy. She’s not very emotive, but I suspect that if things go south with #2, then things will also go south with #1.
It could all go very badly. Or it could all go very well. The only certainty in life is that I will always have myself, and so I must make myself happy. I must be happy with myself. But after 21 years of never being alone, 6 years of having a polyfi family, and 2 years of having 3 loving relationships, the idea that it could all fall apart in the near future is unfathomably frightening.
And I just keep hearing George Michael’s “Freedom” in my head… And Shakespeare: